It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it
As team leaders, we spend much of our time defining and delivering messages to our reports. But to truly unify people around a message, it’s not often what you say, but how you say it, that creates rapport.
In our workshop, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it,” we work with vocal coach William Greenblatt to help people hear how they sound to others and find tips for improving communications at work. Here are a few of our favourite tips:
Expand your vocal register
Greenblatt explains that our voice has three registers – upper (or head voice), middle and lower (or chest voice). “Most women speak from their upper register, which sounds warm, but tends to be perceived as less credible. Most men speak from their lower register, sounding confident but boring.”
There are many exercises to improve vocal range, but merely being conscious of your voice, breathing fully and relaxing your throat when you speak can help expand the tones in your voice and keep your listeners engaged.
Find emotion in your eyebrows
To soften your face, Greenblatt says that eyebrows are magic. “You can transition from angry dad into guidance counsellor with a simple lift of your eyebrows. It’s hard to sound passive-aggressive with your eyebrows up.”
Start with the negative
When delivering bad news, we’re all taught to start with the positive. But how many times have you rolled your eyes at a positive statement, knowing that there’s a negative point looming in the background?
The longer you take to get to the point, the anticipation heightens and makes the situation way worse. So to avoid sounding insincere, Greenblatt suggests skipping the false praise and jumping straight into the issue. Or if you really feel you need to include some positive reinforcement, state at the beginning of the conversation that there’s an issue you need to talk about. Then get into the positive feedback, so you don’t sound phoney.
Wake-up from daily jargon fatigue
Greenblatt points out that when we use words repeatedly, your brain starts to use them on auto-pilot. “You may not realize it, but these are words you tend to mumble because you say them a million times. I hear it a lot when people introduce what they do and their company name.”
Greenblatt’s advice is to re-energize these words by focusing on the intent of the conversation versus the words themselves. Instead of repeating an overused tagline – state what excites you most about your business or role. Re-phrasing and focusing on your intention sparks a sense of passion, lightens your tone and increases the pitch of your voice.